Yesterday I met Mr T&C for the first time, over lunch. Yes, he is really *very* tall. He kind of looked like his photos – I didn’t recognise him immediately though. He has a lovely smile which he really should flash more often – very cute.
We had a good conversation and lots to talk about, which was a relief. There was no banter or flirtation though – not a hint of it. I like a man who’s quick with his words and gives as good as he gets when it comes to a bit of teasing. There were few awkward silences but he’s very softly-spoken, so I struggled to hear him sometimes. He comes across as very calm and chilled… which is fine (and possibly what I need!) but I do like someone who’s a bit more animated.
The verdict? He was nice, but with no spark there, I don’t think there’s any potential. I think he felt the same way.
I surprised myself though… When the bill came, I did the ‘reach for the wallet’ move, fully expecting him to offer to cover it. Nope. Instead he said ‘let’s split it down the middle, shall we?’ There’s only one answer to that, so split it we did. I was Not Impressed. Mr T&C instantly became reduced to Mr T.
On my dating profile I say clearly that old-fashioned good manners will score big points with me, and in my book, that means that whoever does the asking, does the paying. What grated more was that my share was actually less than his. Grrrr. I am not mercenary in any way, and once in a relationship, I am all for treating each other. But if a guy asks me out, he should foot the bill. Likewise if I suggest something, I’ll pay for it.
When I got home I did a bit of research about who should pay on a first date and there are as many opinions as there are first dates it seems! The guy must pay… the person who does the asking must pay… go 50:50 for a first meeting (note ‘meeting’, not date – this was the former)… always pay your own share or else it sets expectations. One site said ‘A gentleman always offers to pay; a lady always pays her way if she is not interested.’
Am I a princess for expecting him to have paid yesterday? Is it only fair that we split the bill because we’d never actually met before – and it was pretty clear that while we got along well, there was no chemistry?
Oh the quagmires of the dating world…
Perhaps he feared that if he footed the bill for the first dinner, he is expected to foot the upcoming meals if there is a second date, third date… But I thought he should have footed the bill anyways
I just found your site and I had asked a similar question a few months ago on my blog. I’ve also gone ahead and quizzed *several* attractive, normal, men that I have encountered since then (single, married, in relationships – I was just curious and struck up a conversation) and all of the men said that the man should pay. Hands down. It was as if the mere implication that a woman pays on a first date was not even a question.
I’ve also found that on dates like the one you describe, where there’s “no spark” – I’d rather just split the bill anyway, just to get out of there feeling like all is even. But now I’m just going to let the guy pay. I’ll see how it goes. It’ll be a new adventure!
I always split the bill on a first date, or at least offer to (if a guy turns down my offer to pay, I won’t argue, I’ll just say, “oh thanks, that’s really nice”). The interesting thing is, in the past 2 years, no one I’ve gone out with has offered to pay! (well ok, guys have bought me drinks, but that’s about it) Many of the guys I’ve gone out with have been unemployed, and though I’m broke, I’m not going to make them buy me dinner when I at least have a job. Plus it just seems outdated and sexist to assume that a guy will buy you dinner.