I’ve been thinking recently that I am underhugged. I really don’t get as many hugs as a girl needs. And as one who loves a good hug, my hug-deprivation is even more noticeable at the moment.

Sure, I hug my family and friends whenever I see them, and that’s nice. But it’s not the kind of hug I mean. I don’t mean cuddling either (I’m also under-cuddled but that’s a whole other thing :-) ) – as in the type of hugs that lead to sex.

I mean a big, strong, full-body bear hug. For me, the best ones are with guys (two girls = too many breasts getting in the way!) but they don’t have to be with someone I’m interested in romantically. And not everyone has great hugging technique – too reserved, too brusque, too brief, too forceful, too tentative… all those make for poor or mediocre hugs.

So what makes the perfect hug? It needs to be strong and confident but not rough. Not too quick, but not too long or I’ll start wondering what the hugger’s intention is ;-) I kind of like it when the hug ends and actually I want another one right away! Synchronised hug-endings are good too, so one of you doesn’t feel weird. Full body contact, not wimpy shoulder brushing. And a proper squeeze, not just leaning in or a token arm encirclement.

While my exes have actually all been great huggers, sometimes a wonderful hug will come from the most unexpected people. Like an internet date who I wasn’t attracted to physically but who has since become a good friend. Or a guy I’ve only met once or twice but who hugs with great warmth, despite his attempts to look cool while he pursues women 10 years his junior. And yes, I always get a great hug from The One Who Got Away on the rare occasions that I see him.

Good hugs rock. They can mean more than ‘Hi! It’s really good to see you’ but it’s nice that they can also mean just that. Warmth, friendliness and welcome, in one neat physical action. Go hug someone!