… a guy pursuing me who I have zero interest in, specifically one whose thick skin means he Does Not Get The Message that I am not interested.
You know the deal – the guy who calls you up out of the blue after several years – long after you’d forgotten the couple of brief times you met him through a friend. Who asks you if your last name is your married name, or your maiden name*. The guy who finds you fascinating and hangs onto your every word, laughing a little too loudly at all your jokes. The guy who just doesn’t get your subtle attempts to brush him off (or spots that you’re smiling politely through GRITTED teeth).
So awkward. With zero interest in him, you have to progress to more obvious ways of letting him know you’re not interested, without being rude. Give him an inch (‘How are you?’ will be enough for some… “She’s interested in how I am!! She LIKES me!!”) and he’ll take a mile.
I don’t mean to be nasty… it’s just that these guys are blissfully unaware that their advances are Not Welcome. Oozing confidence, they are clueless about body language (mine, not theirs) and keep trying.
Aaargh. I really would rather have no attention at all than navigate the etiquette minefield of dealing with one of these. I am not good at rejecting guys, but likewise there’s no chance I’d date someone I have zero (or negative) interest in. Any suggestions on handling these sorts of advances while still being nice (and ladylike!) are very welcome!
P.S. Why is it never the hot ones?!!
P.P.S. ‘Maiden name’! That term makes me cringe. It’s just my last name. Why should it define my social category?!
Well you need to be direct, sometimes, well ok most of the time is is hard to know what a woman is really thinking. Some push you away wanting you to chase them more and so on. I prefer the straight forward approach, “not interested”.
And yes why is it never the good looking women that turn into stalkers also?
I´m on holiday at the moment and all the pretty ladies seem to have fat boyfriends in tow. The single women left are fat and seem to want to chase me; but I can out run them of course!
Hey Mark – thanks for the guys’ perspective
I will be unambiguous! Yeah, what is it about unattractive guys having gorgeous girlfriends? Maybe because women are less visual and interested in who the guy IS, not what he looks like. Maybe those large single ladies are wonderful, once you get to know them… give it a go 
Story of my life! I recently had to break the news to a male friend. Denying his invites by saying I already had plans, and not returning phone calls did not mean anything to him. Like Mark said in the above post, you have to be direct and say “Sorry, but I am not interested.” It sucks to be the one to break the bad news. The guys I have no attraction to (on any level) are the ones that always pursue me. Yes, physical attraction isn’t everything, but if you don’t have chemistry with someone, or feel repulsed even thinking of kissing that person, it’s not going to work! Although it’s flattering when men pursue me, after awhile it becomes annoying and frustrating. I start to wonder if God thinks I don’t deserve someone that doesn’t make my skin crawl.
I broke up a long-term relationship because the chemistry didn’t exist. I stayed in the relationship because we were good friends and he was a nice guy. I thought the chemistry would develop, but after five years of not feeling it, I couldn’t deny my feelings. I learned the hard way, for me personally, that chemistry is extremely important in a romantic relationship. Otherwise, it wouldn’t be “romantic.”
I’ll give you one better. How about the guy who is interested in you and is either married or “playing house”.
Well back from hols
(good tan though).
I have had a few dates with a larger than normal woman, and while they may be good conversation and all that, there was none of the physical attraction. So as a result they are just good friends since I personally feel you need to be both physically attracted to someone as well as on the intellectual level to be in a relationship with them.
As for the odd matched couples, it may be they where similar in looks then one let go (or one worked at looking better). I remember watching a BBC program (horizon?) about attraction and apparently people tend to go with someone who is similar in looks to them.
For me someone can have a slightly out of shape body so long as they have a face I can fall for. If they have the perfect body but a face I don’t find appealing then it wouldn’t go anywhere!
Bottom line is we are still animals at a fundamental level and so “chemistry” is the thing we all key off, then we look for the other meaningful things such as common interested etc.
I must say been a single guy is pretty tough approaching women. On holiday there where two women giving me the eye covertly which I noticed. When I went up and said “hi” they looked like rabbits in a cars headlights. Perhaps it was the language barrier but they seem scared to do more than just look! People eh?