My Big Birthday is looming. Yes, soon I’ll have to change the title of this blog to ‘Single Fortysomething’. And let me tell you, I am not thrilled about it.
How did I get so OLD? I have nearly FORTY years behind me. How did that happen? Where did they go?
I confess, I have been: Completely. Freaking. Out. You know that pressure you get when you’re in your thirties and single? About settling down, stop being so picky, find a good-enough guy, marry him, have children (you’d be SUCH a great mom!)… all that stuff? Well, I’m feeling it x100000 at the moment – and I’m inflicting it on myself.
My BFF who has two under-fives and a husband is so utterly exhausted she doesn’t have time to have a midlife crisis. Would I be feeling happier about turning 40 if I was married with kids? Maybe, but then again maybe I’d just not have a moment to myself to think about it.
The thing is, I look back over my last 40 – OK, say 20 – years and I don’t look at any of the guys I dated and wish I’d married them. (Maybe just one… but we didn’t actually date.) If I had met The Man Of My Dreams in my twenties, my life may well look very different right now. But I didn’t, and I quite like how it looks.
I suppose I’m just feeling that my life is rushing by, and all those things I plan to do ‘one day’ might never happen – unless i do something about it. It’s quite a wake-up call.
But ultimately what I’ve realised is that for the last 40 years – or rather the last 25 (we don’t really have much say until we’re over 15) – everything I’ve done has been based on what I felt was the right decision at the time. Nobody would ever call me impulsive and I’ve weighed up the pros and cons and listened to my gut.
Isn’t it enough to do the best we can?
Yes… that gives me a lot of peace and acceptance about my life so far. But now I’ve taken stock of it all, I’ve realised that I need to take action, and do so sooner rather than later, to make my dreams come true.
Considering this, I’m now quite excited to be entering my forties. Because I’m determined to make them wonderful.