Ch-ch-ch-changes

Ever feel completely disillusioned with your work? That what you spend most of your day doing has lost it’s appeal and just feels meaningless? Yup, that’s where I am right now, and have been for a good 6 months. Which is a bit awkward as I run my own small business!

My very insightful coach has been asking me all sorts of thought-provoking questions lately about what stirs my soul and what I’m passionate about. I seem to be in a transition period. In the past I’ve been all about things being done PERFECTLY. Things have to be right. Top quality. Completely within the prescribed rules, processes and the correct ‘ways’ of doing things.

But now it’s all changing. I’ve realised I have a long-neglected creative side that is bursting out. And that side doesn’t care what other people think. It doesn’t need to be RIGHT, but it needs to be authentic and honest. I now also want to be a bit different – to surprise, to delight.

I’m tired of churning out work that is technically very good, but only adds to the noise out there and makes money for companies. Instead, I want to do work that brings beauty into the world and makes people happy.

Quite a change, huh? I wonder where this is going to take me…? Have you been through this sort of thing?

[soundtrack:  David Bowie - Changes]

Maybe having kids wouldn’t be that bad? (Or would it…?)

One of the most popular posts on this blog is the one where I wonder why it is that despite finding any mind of baby animal cute, baby humans just don’t do it for me. I’ve long said that I don’t want to have kids, although I do love the nieces, nephews, godchildren and other little people in my life very much.

I’ve just always thought that having children is a LOT of work. Sure, we all know that it is, but on a practical level, I’m not sure many people give it much thought before jumping in. I’m stunned when new parents say ‘I didn’t realise how much my life would change’ – um, didn’t you think it through? Perhaps in a previous life I had a lot of offspring and this time round I’m having a break

Anyway, this came up in a session with my therapist recently. She pointed out that while I am really good at analysing a situation, I tend to do so with my head, and more often than not, little emotion comes into it. Which is why when people say ‘Having a child was the most transformative experience of my life – it’s a love you can’t describe’, I nod and smile and inwardly say ‘Suuuuure, you have to say that… but what about the sleepless nights, the crying, the constant demands, the not being able to have a minute to yourself…?’.

I’m guessing that the love one feels for a child is something that has to be experienced – no amount of imagination can capture it. On a simpler level, you always hear people enthuse about visiting places like India. Logically you think about the poverty, inefficiencies and frustrations, the dirt, the Delhi Belly – but when you’re there, and you do fall in love with it, you have to admit a little sheepishly that everyone was right.

So perhaps having kids is like that. And once you have them, it’s amazing. (But still hard work.) It’s got me thinking that perhaps I should be more open to the idea (not that there’s anyone around for me to have them with). But then I thought that surely having kids is not something you do because ‘everyone might be right’ – you should have them because you desperately want them. Not because you’re scared you might be missing out. The only way you can give them back when you’ve had enough is when they belong to other people – which still sounds great to me

How long should you date for?

Is dating a means to an end (i.e. marriage) or an end in itself? Should your relationship always be ‘going somewhere’ or should you simple carpe the diem and live in the present?

Having never been in a very long term relationship, I’m not exactly speaking from a point of experience, but I do wonder about couples who’ve been coasting along for 5, 8, 10 or more years. Sure, not everyone wants to get married and for them, that’s fine. But what about those relationships where one of the people really does want to marry?

Two good friends come to mind. A lovely guy I’ve known for ever has been with his girlfriend for five years. She really wants to get married; he’s not 100% sure that things are quite right. In another relationship, the woman can’t understand why, after eight years together and trying for a baby, her partner is still so anti-marriage. It’s really important to her, but he won’t talk about it.

Tricky situations and high emotions all round. Not to mention the emotional manipulation and uncertainty.

I’d like to think that if I was dating someone, that within 18-24 months tops I’d probably know if I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. And that if I didn’t, or he didn’t, we’d be brave enough to call it quits. Because I’d rather be single than with someone who is wasting my time. But that’s just me.

How long does it take you to know whether a relationship’s got legs? And does it matter to you?

Um, hello new blog visitors!

Anyone know what happened on Sunday (April 29th)? My blog stats went through the roof which is great, but I wonder why…?

Whatever it was, ‘hello’ to those of you who are new here, and thanks for the new visits and follows. Please do chip in with your single thirtysomething stories in the comments – I’d love to hear your stories

xx A

That one friend who…

… makes an effort to keep in touch. (Hopefully) we all have one. The one who calls you once a week, or maybe more, just to say ‘hi’ and see how your week is going. No special reason; not wanting anything.

I have an old male friend who does this and I appreciate it so much. We’ve known each other for about 20 years and have kept in contact despite living on opposite sides of the world, consuming jobs, all-consuming relationships, and more.

He calls me out of the blue, usually when he’s driving somewhere, just to check in. Often we chat just for a few minutes; occasionally we get absorbed with setting the world (or our lives) to rights and talk for much longer.

Before you start wondering if we are ‘just friends’ – yes, we are, and have always been. He’s like a big brother and we’re totally platonic. We don’t see each other all that often, but those regular calls keep our friendship going strong.

So today I raise a virtual toast to him and all those friends who make an effort to keep in contact – cheers!

 

Newsflash to parents

Just because I dont want to have kids of my own doesn’t mean I hate them. I may not be a fan of babies, but when they get a bit older and start becoming little people, they’re so much fun. Until they cry or poop in which case you can have them right back.

But seriously, I do love hanging out with kids. My nephew and niece are just fantastic – the things they come up with make me laugh so much, and they are so easily pleased. (I’m going to enjoy this phase while it lasts.) I would love it if they lived closer so I could see them more often.

It always amuses me when parents are so surprised that I’m actually pretty good with their children. Kids love me and unless they are PITAs, I will likely love them too. But trust me, no matter how delightful your little darlings are, they do not and will never make me broody. Because when y’all leave after staying with me for a noisy, hectic, fun, crazy weekend of constant demands, it is absolute bliss flop onto my sofa with my two furry kids as my home returns to its usual calm, quiet, peaceful state.

This word should be illegal

“Hubby”.

Seriously. Is there a word more annoying? Imagine if men used ‘wifey’ as much. There’d be an outcry.

I HATE the word ‘hubby’. It’s even worse than ‘spending time with my man‘ (which is bad enough – doesn’t he have a name?).

Aaaargh.

Closing this blog

I’ve been blogging here for two years and feel like it’s run its course, so this will be the last post on SingleThirtySomething. It’s been great to connect with other single-and-loving-it people from all over the world – thank you for helping me feel like I am not a freak by actually rather enjoying flying solo, and not being desperate to get married and procreate.

I wish all of you much happiness, fun and love in 2011.

xx A

Constantly chirpy people

Is it mean to unfollow someone on Twitter because ALL they ever tweet about are motivational quotes… either other people’s or worse, ones they make up themselves?

What if they are pretty good friends of yours, who would be really hurt by your unfollow?

Surely nobody can be THAT cheerful ALL the time?

Or maybe I’m just grumpy… But seriously… just one #FML tweet, please, to show us you’re human…

End-of-year exhaustion

Anyone else utterly exhausted? I am! Wow, 2010 has been a long year. A good one and a very busy one. But I am glad it’s coming to an end. Although 1 January is just another day, there’s that mental shift: that you’re starting over fresh.

Just barely hanging in there at the moment, I have to work really hard not to snap and lose patience. I’m trying to plough through my last few projects to get then wrapped up before the break, and when they don’t go smoothly, or a client calls with ‘just one more little thing’, I want to scream.