How long should you date for?

Is dating a means to an end (i.e. marriage) or an end in itself? Should your relationship always be ‘going somewhere’ or should you simple carpe the diem and live in the present?

Having never been in a very long term relationship, I’m not exactly speaking from a point of experience, but I do wonder about couples who’ve been coasting along for 5, 8, 10 or more years. Sure, not everyone wants to get married and for them, that’s fine. But what about those relationships where one of the people really does want to marry?

Two good friends come to mind. A lovely guy I’ve known for ever has been with his girlfriend for five years. She really wants to get married; he’s not 100% sure that things are quite right. In another relationship, the woman can’t understand why, after eight years together and trying for a baby, her partner is still so anti-marriage. It’s really important to her, but he won’t talk about it.

Tricky situations and high emotions all round. Not to mention the emotional manipulation and uncertainty.

I’d like to think that if I was dating someone, that within 18-24 months tops I’d probably know if I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. And that if I didn’t, or he didn’t, we’d be brave enough to call it quits. Because I’d rather be single than with someone who is wasting my time. But that’s just me.

How long does it take you to know whether a relationship’s got legs? And does it matter to you?

And the point of all this is…?

Having ummed and aahed for a while now about starting a blog, I’ve taken the plunge. *sploosh*

I’ve spent a good few months pondering whether my blog should be personal. Or professional. A list of dreams, rants, advice? Would anyone be interested? Do I have anything useful to say? Am I writing it for me or for you? Should it be anonymous or I spill my guts to everyone I know (and some I don’t)?

Oh, the dilemmas of social media!

I don’t think I’m going to have enough time to write regularly, so professional is out. Also there’d be the pressure to come up with something incisive and perceptive several times a week. I decided I possibly have more things to say personally (read: opinions) than I do professionally.

So I did a little research on the blog themes I thought might fit a personal blog. I’m single; I’m in my thirties; I’m a woman. What are others like me blogging about? It was a bit scary. Man-bashing feminists do still exist. And there are a lot of lonely women out there waiting to be rescued. Not a lot of single women talking about how happy they are. Theories as to why this is will follow.

To me, single is not about partying every night and bed-hopping just because you can. It’s about independence. Being able to do what you want to, when you want to (OK, and with whom you want to). It’s about friends, who are as important as family. It’s about being able to sleep late, make your own decisions, be in control of your life. (This control theme will come up a lot, just you watch.)

While I don’t let being single be the entire definition of who I am, it does enable me to do a lot of the things I want to do in life. I’m not saying I want to be single forever… it’s just where I’m at right now, so I’m going to make the most of it.

More about this later. In the meantime, thanks for popping by.