Splitting the bill

Yesterday I met Mr T&C for the first time, over lunch. Yes, he is really *very* tall. He kind of looked like his photos – I didn’t recognise him immediately though. He has a lovely smile which he really should flash more often – very cute.

We had a good conversation and lots to talk about, which was a relief. There was no banter or flirtation though – not a hint of it. I like a man who’s quick with his words and gives as good as he gets when it comes to a bit of teasing. There were few awkward silences but he’s very softly-spoken, so I struggled to hear him sometimes. He comes across as very calm and chilled… which is fine (and possibly what I need!) but I do like someone who’s a bit more animated.

Premature excite-ulation

Things are progressing nicely with Mr Tall&Charming. The emails are getting longer but he’s headed off thesis-type missives by suggesting we meet for breakfast tomorrow and included his contact details. I can’t make it due to other commitments but suggested we speak on the phone tomorrow evening and make a plan.

This will be the first internet date I’ve been on in about 5 years and while I’m not nervous*, I am quite excited and a bit squirmy about it. As in: I am really looking forward to meeting him and hope it goes well. On paper, he seems lovely. I also can’t wait to talk to him on the phone. Please God, don’t let him have a squeaky David Beckham-esque voice or a horrible accent.

So, to get to the title of this post, is it a girl thing, or does everyone get super-excited about  meeting someone they’ve clicked with online? I’m reining in wild and crazy thoughts of our possible first kiss, meeting the parents, being whisked away to some exotic location by him, etc. etc. … you know what I mean, right? Note no mention of a big quite dress and walking down an aisle towards him – I’m not that giddy

I think it’s quite weird to imagine this sort of thing when you’ve not even met face to face yet. Something I could never do is have IM sex or phone sex with someone I’d not yet met. What if you get all down and dirty over the phone and then when you meet up, he’s weedy or ugly or smells bad or something similarly repulsive? Eeuw! No, I’ll control my premature excite-ulation and wait until I’ve met Mr T&C.

Confession time – I actually dreamt about Mr T&C two nights ago. How weird is that. He was part of the cast of a play I was watching, dressed as a Neanderthal man in a snow-leopard skin. He came off the stage, headed straight toward me and scooped me up in his arms and took me over to the MC… all as part of the performance. Yes, I know, very weird. and I get it – my subconscious is telling me to find a tall, strong, handsome man to sweep me off my feet. LOL!

The space continues to be watched…

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* I was seriously nervous for my first ever internet date. When I met the guy – who looked nothing like his pictures, was a good 5 inches shorter than expected and was the biggest racist out – I thought: ‘I was worried about meeting THAT?’ and was cured of first-internet-date nerves forever.

Online dating turn-ons no.3: Gentle charm

I got an email from a new guy on the dating site yesterday. I replied the same day and have had another one from him today. And they are both just lovely messages.

No grovelling or hero-worshipping of me involved but rather he comes across as thoughtful, gentle, intelligent and charming. Charming in a nice, old-fashioned kind of way. Not in a Bill Clinton way.

He’s shown interest in me and has volunteered just the right level of information about himself. He’s paid attention to my profile and responded in a curious way to a few openers I dropped into my reply to him. He’s shown a hint of humour and yes, he can write in full sentences (admittedly not 100% perfect, but I’m learning to let that go a little!).

And he asked me a very interesting ‘If you could…’ question. Which I’ve not yet found the perfect answer to but it has been in the back of my mind all day. Clever man… subtlely getting me to think about him… heh heh.

Oh and he’s reeeeally tall and it looks like he has very nice teeth

Watch this space.

Online dating turn-ons #2: Showing interest in ME

As I promised to put a positive spin on my internet dating experiences and talk about online dating turn-0ns, rather than turn-offs, I’ll do my best to flip this one on its head.

So I-dated-someone-you-know Boy and I have exchanged a few more emails but to be honest, I’m getting a bit bored already. Which doesn’t bode well. The last three emails from him have been a little pedestrian. And in them he has not asked me ONE question about me. So my guess would be he’s not very interested in me, and as a result, I’m not in him either.

Humphf.

So where’s that positive spin? Oh yes: A tip for the boys: If you want to get her attention and get her interested in you, ask her questions about her life, interests, pastimes, dreams, etc., etc. Make the questions original and you’ll score extra points. Not just ‘so what do you do for fun?’. Yawn.

Find things on her profile that make her different and ask about those. Show her that you find her interesting (and for heaven’s sake, be sincere about it or move on) and she will be flattered and find you increasingly interesting in return.

When his ex is someone you know

So I’ve actually found a guy on my internet dating site who can string a decent sentence together. That’s certainly a promising start

Of course, I looked him up on Facebook (stalk, stalk… well, he did it first…) and there I found photos of him wrapped around someone I know, taken a few years ago. I don’t know his ex well – she’s a casual acquaintance really – very cool girl (and she’s madly in love with someone else these days).

Irrational Me leaps to conclusions: ‘Oh no, if he used to date her, and they broke up, there must be something wrong with him.’

Rational Me retorts: ‘What’s not right for one person may be perfect for another. Anyway, maybe there was something wrong with her.’

Irrational Me: ‘But it’d be weird dating someone who used to date someone I know.’

Rational Me: ‘Easy tiger… you’ve exchanged precisely TWO emails with this guy. You might not even like each other that way. And it’s not like she’s your sister / best friend. You barely know her. Plus you’re in your thirties – anyone you meet WILL have dated other people in the past. Deal with it.’

Irrational Me laughs and gets over herself!

Does it matter to you if a potential new guy has a history with someone you know? Have you ever been there? Would you ask his ex about him before getting involved? Food for thought…

Online dating profile pics – some interesting research

According to research by OKCupid, if a guy wants to attract attention on an online dating site, he should have a mysterious, unsmiling look on his face and preferably be holding an animal. Apparently depicting himself in a travel context will garner him the least responses.

Women should look flirtily (is that a word?!) into the camera, be outdoors and show a hint of cleavage.

Hmm. My online dating pic shows me grinning broadly, indoors, with no cleavage on show. I should switch it for a week and see what happens. Interestingly, I am much more likely to initiate contact with a guy who has a travel photo – to me, that’s interesting and a conversation opener.

For the full report, click here.

Online dating turn-ONs #1: Stringing a good sentence together

In my newly-found spirit of two-thousand-and-zen and positive thinking, I’ve decided to discontinue my ‘online dating turn-offs’ series and give it a positive spin. Enter ‘online dating turn-ONs’.

What will get my attention every time is a profile that’s been well-written. Full sentences, no text-speak (“u r gr8″), proper punctuation (“u r gr8!!!!!!!!1!!”), and intelligent words that actually give an insight into the person who has written them.

Yes, a correctly-placed apostrophe will really get my ovaries humming. Throw in a clever pun or two, and I’m yours.

Sadly, profiles like this are the exceptions rather than the rule – amongst the guys I’ve checked out online anyway. But when I stumble upon one, it’s like finding buried treasure. I read it and reread it. Then I go look at some other profiles but always come back to read Mr Writer’s one again. Balm to my eyes. OK, that was a bit of a dodgy analogy… nobody puts balm in their eyes… but you get the point.

Hell, I’ll even overlook age, height and all sorts of things that are usually non-negotiables and click that little ‘Favourite him’ button.

Yes, guys, women really ARE easy. All you’ve got to do is make a little effort – with your profile, your appearance, how you treat us. A well-written profile WILL make you stand out from the crowd.

Are women just as bad with their language usage, or is it a guy thing?

Am I ageist?

I think perhaps I am. OK, not generally, but when it comes to internet dating. I’ve said on my profile that it’s ‘decidedly important’ that the guys I’m looking for are no more than 2 years younger than me, and no more than 6 years older.

Why those ranges? Well, my little brother is three years younger and it’s just a bit weird for me to think of dating someone his age. This despite the fact that I have several friends who are easily 3-10 years younger than me.

As for older, well, I just think it starts getting a bit weird when a guy is more than 6 years older than I am. Particularly when they are nearing – or over 50. That’s ‘dad’ territory (although my own Dad is in his late 60s!).

So the last few weeks, I’ve had a bunch of emails through on the dating site. Some plain boring (‘can we chat’ – erm, no) and some plain weird (there was one which was way off colour – the dude did have the cojones to mail an apology a few days later) but most are from guys between 49 and 55.

So now my profile has my stipulated age range as ‘non-negotiable’. I really would like to meet guys around my age. I’m not over the hill yet – I’d like a guy who isn’t. So yes, perhaps I AM ageist after all, but only when it comes to dating.

Am I cutting myself off from a potential Michael Douglas/Catherine Zeta Jones or Demi/Ashton type perfect relationship? Maybe, but it’s what I’m comfortable with.

How far out of your own age range will you go?

Online dating turn-offs #4: When your relationship status says ‘Ask me later’ or you’re never online on weekends

Why would anyone who is single say I should ‘ask him later’ what his relationship status is? Doh – obviously he’s not single.

If you’re not single, what the hell are you doing on a dating website? I believe there are plenty of websites for married people who like to play away. Go and mess around there and leave us legitimate singles alone, please.

Although I (grudgingly) have a little more respect for people who are obtuse or downright upfront about their non-single status online than those who lie about being single and actually have a girlfriend / fiancee / wife stashed away at home.

The latter are the ones – in my experience – who aren’t online over the weekend. Possibly because they do their internet dating correspondence at work, where they’re less likely to get caught.

I connected with a seemingly-wonderful guy when I was internet dating a few years ago. He not only looked rather yummy, but he could also string a sentence together and wrote me the most interesting emails. We mailed furiously for a week or so, and after one particularly lovely letter from him, I replied saying, ‘You really do seem too good to be true. Are you sure you’re not married?’ I never heard another word from him. Which answers my question.

I do believe in trusting one’s gut – if he seems too good to be true, or your suspect he might not *really* be single, go with your intuition. You’re probably right.

Online dating turn-offs # 3: Incomplete profiles

His photo looks nice. You click on it to access his profile. The first part sounds great and then… He’s not bothered to write much about himself (perhaps just the minimum 25 words that are required), nor has he completed the rest of his profile.

With so little to go on, do you bother making contact? I usually don’t. Because then it means I’m mostly assessing him on his looks (and I try not to do that… much!) and also who knows what weird habits / interests / fetishes are lurking behind his picture?

OK, I know a lot of guys list themselves on dating sites for a laugh, or just to see how much sex they can get. And maybe it’s those who don’t take the time to complete their profiles. Those are not really the kinds of people I want to connect with anyway, so for me, an incomplete profile means MOVE ON.