How long should you date for?

Is dating a means to an end (i.e. marriage) or an end in itself? Should your relationship always be ‘going somewhere’ or should you simple carpe the diem and live in the present?

Having never been in a very long term relationship, I’m not exactly speaking from a point of experience, but I do wonder about couples who’ve been coasting along for 5, 8, 10 or more years. Sure, not everyone wants to get married and for them, that’s fine. But what about those relationships where one of the people really does want to marry?

Two good friends come to mind. A lovely guy I’ve known for ever has been with his girlfriend for five years. She really wants to get married; he’s not 100% sure that things are quite right. In another relationship, the woman can’t understand why, after eight years together and trying for a baby, her partner is still so anti-marriage. It’s really important to her, but he won’t talk about it.

Tricky situations and high emotions all round. Not to mention the emotional manipulation and uncertainty.

I’d like to think that if I was dating someone, that within 18-24 months tops I’d probably know if I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. And that if I didn’t, or he didn’t, we’d be brave enough to call it quits. Because I’d rather be single than with someone who is wasting my time. But that’s just me.

How long does it take you to know whether a relationship’s got legs? And does it matter to you?

Newsflash to parents

Just because I dont want to have kids of my own doesn’t mean I hate them. I may not be a fan of babies, but when they get a bit older and start becoming little people, they’re so much fun. Until they cry or poop in which case you can have them right back.

But seriously, I do love hanging out with kids. My nephew and niece are just fantastic – the things they come up with make me laugh so much, and they are so easily pleased. (I’m going to enjoy this phase while it lasts.) I would love it if they lived closer so I could see them more often.

It always amuses me when parents are so surprised that I’m actually pretty good with their children. Kids love me and unless they are PITAs, I will likely love them too. But trust me, no matter how delightful your little darlings are, they do not and will never make me broody. Because when y’all leave after staying with me for a noisy, hectic, fun, crazy weekend of constant demands, it is absolute bliss flop onto my sofa with my two furry kids as my home returns to its usual calm, quiet, peaceful state.

Tweets that deserve a slap

“Hubby away for three more sleeps. How will I cope??!!”  <– Crikey, it’s going to be touch and go for a while but hang in there, you can pull through.

“Cooking for one is not much fun Don’t think I’ll bother.”  <– same person as above

“Eating dinner on my own at home – hate it. So glad I’m not single.”  <– and again… swiftly unfollowed!

Middle-of-the-night panics

I’ve said it many times: I really love being single. But there’s one time that it truly sucks – and that’s around 3am.

Why is it that in the middle of the night, if you wake up with your mind racing, all sorts of horrors and fears seem to overwhelm you? A doctor friend of mine says that there’s actually a biological reason for this – that certain enzyme/hormone levels plummet at night when you’re (supposed to be) sleeping.

“I wish you’d find someone lovely”

Over the last few weeks, I’ve had this said to me several times. People who are really close to me, who love me loads, telling me (very well-meaningly) that they so wish I’d find someone wonderful to spend my life with. That I should ‘stop delaying and make an effort now’ to find someone who will ‘look after’ me as I get older (!). Or more flatteringly, that I am ‘so wasted as single’ – implying I’m a great catch.

I didn’t get the memo

You know which one. The one that gives you the instructions for life.

Like that maybe not all relationships that start in college are just college relationships – some last for ever.

The one that says you should really do your best to find a partner by the time you hit 30, because it gets MUCH harder to do so after then.

Solidarity

I’ve been feeling for a while that I’m posting on here and my voice is echoing around an empty chamber – that I’m alone in being single, over 30, and actually quite happy with the situation.

So it’s been wonderful today to find several comments from new readers on my blog and I just want to say ‘hello!’ and welcome. Through you I’ve found several really interesting and – more importantly – funny blogs about the single life. Which is awesome because you know what, if you’re single and thirtysomething, life is GOOD and should be celebrated!

It’s lovely to connect with people who are also happy being single – we ‘get’ each other and understand why baby showers are excruciating; why we are not the entertainment at dinner parties where everyone else is in a couple; and why we haven’t settled for Mr Average. We’re not defined by our single status – it’s just one part of our multi-faceted and interesting lives.

Here’s to us and to many more laughs!