When his ex is someone you know

So I’ve actually found a guy on my internet dating site who can string a decent sentence together. That’s certainly a promising start 🙂

Of course, I looked him up on Facebook (stalk, stalk… well, he did it first…) and there I found photos of him wrapped around someone I know, taken a few years ago. I don’t know his ex well – she’s a casual acquaintance really – very cool girl (and she’s madly in love with someone else these days).

Irrational Me leaps to conclusions: ‘Oh no, if he used to date her, and they broke up, there must be something wrong with him.’

Rational Me retorts: ‘What’s not right for one person may be perfect for another. Anyway, maybe there was something wrong with her.’

Irrational Me: ‘But it’d be weird dating someone who used to date someone I know.’

Rational Me: ‘Easy tiger… you’ve exchanged precisely TWO emails with this guy. You might not even like each other that way. And it’s not like she’s your sister / best friend. You barely know her. Plus you’re in your thirties – anyone you meet WILL have dated other people in the past. Deal with it.’

Irrational Me laughs and gets over herself! 🙂

Does it matter to you if a potential new guy has a history with someone you know? Have you ever been there? Would you ask his ex about him before getting involved? Food for thought…

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5 thoughts on “When his ex is someone you know

  1. Question 1: Depends on him; depends on her.

    Question 2: Yes.

    Question 3: I probably wouldn’t contact her on purpose.

    However, if I happened to bump into her somewhere, and the occasion arose during the conversation, I might hazard a casual mention of his name, and a “You used to see each other, didn’t you?” sort of thing. You can tell a lot from her reaction to that question, including if you can probe a bit, or not.

    That said, it’s early days, yet. Find out more about him, from him, first. Preferably before agreeing to meet him personally, in a public place, where you can talk.

  2. Marilyn – hmm, I think you’re right. How did it work for you? You alluded to having been in that position before… Was it ever a problem? Or did you get some interesting insights? 🙂

    Sam – I wondered the same thing! Maybe just laziness – i.e. hasn’t got around to taking them offline. I know I’d whip any photos of ex and me off the second we split up – but then again, I’m an all-or-nothing kind of girl. 🙂

  3. I’m with Sam, why does he still have pics of the two of them posted on his page? And I’ve been in this situation before and it ended badly; however the friend in question, was one of my best friends and the guy in question was someone I should have never gone after. However, I did talk with her before he and I initiated a relationship; but things still got messy between the three of us.

  4. This is an interesting predicament. The guy who I dated last summer, for about three months, had a crazy history that I knew from the get-go: I had friends who were friends of his ex-wife (with whom I had previously hung out); they were divorced because he cheated on her with someone he worked with, and they dated for about two years before they broke up and… then I ended up dating him. He still had pics of the ex-girlfriend (not wife) on his wall in his bedroom. If things had ever become truly “serious” with him, I would have asked him about it, but I broke it off before we got to that stage. I figured that until we had established some kind of a true commitment with one another, it really wasn’t much of my business.

    If you like him, then trust him. And bring it up when you feel like you know him well enough to do so and it is your business, but not until then.

    — Lisa

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