“I wish you’d find someone lovely”

Over the last few weeks, I’ve had this said to me several times. People who are really close to me, who love me loads, telling me (very well-meaningly) that they so wish I’d find someone wonderful to spend my life with. That I should ‘stop delaying and make an effort now’ to find someone who will ‘look after’ me as I get older (!). Or more flatteringly, that I am ‘so wasted as single’ – implying I’m a great catch.

How do you respond to something like that? Just smile and wave? Explain that finding someone fantastic isn’t exactly that easy? And while yes, finding a soulmate would be great, it’s not like I can go and buy one at a store. And what should I do in the meantime? Sit around waiting, feeling sorry for myself?

I actually like being single. Maybe I won’t want to be single forever, and yes, I am open to a relationship. But I don’t want to settle for anything less than I deserve. For someone who will bring out the best in me, and me in him.

Aaargh.

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12 thoughts on ““I wish you’d find someone lovely”

  1. Well and not so well meaning family and friends will ALWAYS have something to comment on your life. Once you get married they’ll ask you when are you having a baby. Once you have that baby they’ll ask when you are having another one, and then the next. Even when you have 3 young boys like me, they ask when am I having a girl, or if I ever wanted a girl. They’ll ask me this right in front of my sons. I get asked when’s the next one by ignorant family members who don’t even have 2 kids of their own yet. It’s funny because some people start insisting that I am still young. It gets to a point where I wish I could hang my ovaries around my neck to show them I’m no longer able to. I need to remember to turn the drilling questions back on them. If it’s one thing I’ve learned bullies and noisy people don’t stop with all the questions til you do it back to them.

    It always coming down to following your own heart and doing what you want. The moment we side step to please someone else we’ve made a mistake.

  2. It depends on the context but in general I think it’s kind of annoying. Like, I hear “awww, you’ll get there…. someday” instead of whatever their intentions are.

  3. For me, whenever something like this is said, it just makes me feel sad. Not right then and there but later that evening or the next day. It is hurtful, they are not helping the situation. If they want to have some input, how about making it useful!
    I respond by saying all the things I am doing right now, my life is so full I don’t even think about it and it will happen when it is meant to happen. And if it doesn’t I was meant to be single.

  4. I’ve been single for a while now, and enjoying it way more than I would expect — and seemingly way more than anybody would approve of. “You will find someone,” I keep on hearing. Well, how about I’m not looking and don’t intend to? “Just give it time and you will see”.

    *sigh*

  5. This is right up there with, “It will happen when you least expect it…” Um, ok – that is SO helpful. I also love when people say, “You’re so beautiful, I just don’t get why you haven’t met someone.” Again, what are you supposed to say to that? While I do want to be married and have children, what if I didn’t? It’s like the coupled people are saying something is wrong with you or you are incomplete without marriage. I dare say single people know themselves far better than many coupled people.

    The best thing coupled people can do is THINK before saying something to their single friend.

  6. Get the shovel and start making an “Effort” πŸ™‚ I know a place where great guys grow and all you have to do is to dig them up. No worries, they are perfectly alive (: I have no idea about your life-style but … the good guy will not fall from the sky (or at least I hope he doesn’t :)), he may ring on the door one day, you may find him in a club, coffee house – wherever, doesn’t matter, the chances are all the same.
    In the mean time you should do all the things that you enjoy doing + more. Perhaps you may start doing things you consider “insane” – sky diving is a good start (and no, I’m not joking this time). Read. There are so many great books. Go on vacation by yourself – just like that. Dancing lessons or any form of “collective” sport (meaning there would be other people doing it). Those are great ways to meet new people without really making any effort and while doing something nice for both your mind and body.
    May be you will be single forever, or not……. May be this, may be that…. F0CK “May be”. This phrase will do no good because it simply excludes any decision and any action. Better take the wrong decision than no decision at all and stop thinking about this cr@p. And, yes, do not settle or anything less that you deserve.

    It’s all about increasing possibilities and chances. Like looking for a job – learning a foreign language will not get you a job but it will widen the possibilities for finding one.

    “How do you respond to something like that? ” – List of possible responses:
    – ” πŸ™‚ ” (best response)
    – I slept with your husband – in case a girl is asking
    – I slept with your wife – in case a guy is asking
    (the consequences which may follow are your own responsibility πŸ˜› ) The last two responses are most useful since this would show to the other party how great is to be single πŸ™‚ and of course – their sense of humor will be tested as well but if they don’t invite you to dinner (ever again) – do not blame me πŸ˜›

    p.s. Good luck filtering out the useful part from the joking one (and I stress – “joking” , NOT mocking !!!!)

  7. Way to go- don’t lower the bar!

    I hear there is an octopus that can predict world cup winners. Maybe if you drop photos of potential dates in his tank he can save you some time and effort?

    Just a thought.

    Nice blog!

  8. “Well that’s funny, I was just wishing that you’d break up with that twit you’ve been seeing.”

    Condolences; I HATE when people whip out the “oh you deserve someone great” line. People think it’s a compliment, but it’s really not; it’s smothering.
    Christina

  9. I’ve just recently been through a bad break up and this one gets laid on thick right about now. I’ve only been single for four months and you ‘want me to meet someone nice?’

    nice blog, i’ll be following you! πŸ™‚

  10. You know what’s weird?

    You never hear the phrase “I just went through a GREAT breakup…”

    My new goal is to have a great breakup. I don’t know how yet, but I’ll figure it out.

    I’m an improviser.

  11. @Sofia – yup, I guess you get those well-meaning people chipping in their 2c whatever life stage you’re at!
    @Skygurl – yes! Like ‘you’re a lost cause really but *maybe* a miracle will happen’!!
    @davi Kind of a slow-release insult, right? :-p
    @Kiran Societal pressures – bleurgh 😦
    @Marilyn Probably! Hee hee πŸ™‚
    @dreamscape I think you misunderstood me a little – the people who make these comments are the ones who wish I’d settle down with someone; not me – I’m quite happy being single. I get on with my life and pursue the things that interest me – if a Mr Lovely shows up during the course of that, great. If not, at least I am having fun!
    @Caleb That octopus cuold be SO in demand if his skills extended to screening dates accurately! Heh heh! Let me know how your good breakup goes…
    @Christina I am so going to steal your line next time someone tells me they wish I’d find Mr Wonderful – LOL!
    @MissP Thanks for stopping by πŸ™‚ Sorry you’ve had a tough time but YAY you are single now – enjoy the breathing space and making decisions that are all about what YOU want.

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