When single sucks

I’ll start this post with a caveat: 99.9% of the time, I love being single. I really do. I love the independence, freedom, flexibility and possibility of it all.

But lately that’s been overshadowed by quite a bit of envy for my friends who have partners. Why? Because they don’t have to do everything themselves ALL THE TIME. Every single decision in my life must be made by me, and me alone. (OK, this is not all bad: it is nice to be able to pick my own vacation spot or TV channel without argument!) Every responsibility is mine – it is all up to me. Nobody else is going to change the batteries in the TV remote. Or ensure the travel insurance is paid up. Or get quotes for repainting the outside woodwork, or take the trash out, or… you get the picture. Sometimes Often I feel overwhelmed by the thousands of things on my daily ‘to do’ list. And it would be really nice to share that load with someone.

Of course, a partner adds a whole lot more ‘to do’s’ to the list. But at least you are in it together and have support. I’m going through a tough time at work and have been for most of this year. While I would love to take a few months off to figure out what my passions are and what I want to do next, I just don’t have that luxury. My friends with good-salary-earning partners don’t know how lucky they are. If things get unbearable or unsustainable for me at work, I don’t have someone else’s income to rely on. It’s very scary.

Heavens, I sound like an attractive prospect, don’t I? “Overwhelmed, exhausted, responsibility-shy single thirtysomething seeks lovely, kind man for help with household chores. Must agree with all my choices and must be solvent.” 🙂


9 thoughts on “When single sucks

  1. How timely. I was having some of these “I’m so sick of doing it all and having no help” moments this past week. Then I remembered that, when I’ve been in relationships, I was STILL the one taking care of it all…and often their sh*t, too. No one helped carry in the groceries or get the oil change or make sure the bills were paid…so it was totally delusional of me to think that it would be such a relief. But what a nice thought, that someone would take care of US for a change;)

  2. Totally agree. Hate the unable to share chores. but then, there’s no guarantee when i got marry i don’t have to do everything and got scare of that thought. we are lacking of quality men ..

  3. Hello, i’m a french guy ,
    I was searching for “thirty and single” on Google , and i was brought here
    Anyway , i like what you’re saying in many of your posts, I kinda find myself in what you say …


  4. The other day when I had to go buy, load into my car, unload it and carry to my apt, then build a piece of furniture, I felt a bit “meh” about this whole single thing. Then I felt awesome after I finished!! 🙂

  5. omg..I just found this site …I am 31 and I feel like I am sharing your brain!!
    the first commented was right though….I remember being with 2 guys who just added more dead weight and things to do..more cleaning, more often taking out the trash, more soap to buy, more groceries to refill…and they just seem to magically think the milk will appear even after 5 days of the carton either empty in the fridge or gone! *sigh*. I guess it takes a guy who has enough self awareness as a person and wants to work towards a better relationship to get over those things….While I am not exactly single (well…it’s hard to explain)…when the guy comes over I end up having to tell him everything to do anyway (‘can you bring the bowls for me?’ ‘can you grab this?’)…The fun comes when I visit him and watching him run around… SOmetimes I wonder how married people ever make things work? I guess you choose your battles!

  6. Hey thank you for visiting and commenting – I agree, sometimes it’s a LOT easier than when you have a partner who is lazy! I guess the trick is to find a well-trained one 😉

  7. At least you didn’t have someone telling you how to do it… I hate that! And the sense of accomplishment of doing it yourself must have been great!

  8. Hi,
    I left home at 13, so taking care of business myself was always second nature to me. What I long for most of all is someone to share my joys and pains with, to share the experience of life with. But what you’ve said in this post is so relatable, as is everything you write in your blog. What I can most touch in your blog is the vulnerability and humanity of your life as a single woman, and also the sense of balance and health that shines through. It really is a joy to read. As a blogger myself, I tend to focus on the hard-won independence that I’ve earned through my struggles. It’s amazing to read the words of someone who is living life with as human an attitude as you are. I’ve learned a lot from you! Thanks for your blog, and I wish you the best.

    The Satisfied Single

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