Questions nobody should ever ask

How on earth are you supposed to answer these questions?

“When are you going to find someone nice and get married?”

Probably next year, maybe on the last Saturday in April, if my crystal ball is accurate.  Related to:

“Why are you still single?”

O.M.G. There just isn’t a good answer for this one although I’ve been tempted to say things like ‘Because I look at other people’s marriages and none of them make me want to tie the knot myself’. What I usually say is ‘How many nice, straight, single 30/40-something guys do YOU know?’

Another one:

“When are you going to have babies? You’d be such a good mom / You aren’t getting any younger, you know.”

Jeeeeeeepers… this one drives me crazy. Just because YOU have kids, doesn’t mean everyone else (a) wants them and (b) can have them. Oh and thanks for pointing out that I’m nearly over the hill.

So many people struggle with fertility these days, that you’d think people wouldn’t be so tactless. And asking this of a single person is even worse… I mean, are we just supposed to go out and get ourselves knocked up, to become single mothers? I have friends who are single who are desperate for children, but don’t have the (emotional and financial) resources to go it alone. This kind of question is like a knife through their hearts.

And as for those of us who prefer to remain childfree, well… admit that to these people and you’ll be given a look of horror. How could you not want little snot-nosed, screaming darlings?

If you have any snappy answers for these questions, please share them in the comments. I could do with some good comebacks.

Newsflash to parents

Just because I dont want to have kids of my own doesn’t mean I hate them. I may not be a fan of babies, but when they get a bit older and start becoming little people, they’re so much fun. Until they cry or poop in which case you can have them right back.

But seriously, I do love hanging out with kids. My nephew and niece are just fantastic – the things they come up with make me laugh so much, and they are so easily pleased. (I’m going to enjoy this phase while it lasts.) I would love it if they lived closer so I could see them more often.

It always amuses me when parents are so surprised that I’m actually pretty good with their children. Kids love me and unless they are PITAs, I will likely love them too. But trust me, no matter how delightful your little darlings are, they do not and will never make me broody. Because when y’all leave after staying with me for a noisy, hectic, fun, crazy weekend of constant demands, it is absolute bliss flop onto my sofa with my two furry kids as my home returns to its usual calm, quiet, peaceful state.

Missing the ‘oooh, cute baby!’ gene

Please tell me someone else is with me on this.

I think baby animals are just gorgeous. Puppies with fat little tummies, tripping over their oversized paws. Kittens with their you’ll-grow-into-them-one-day ears and squeaky mews. Baby bunnies, newborn foals, fuzzy bear cubs – who doesn’t squee a little when they see them?

So why don’t I feel the same way about baby humans?

Human baby vs business baby

Today I launched a new division of my company. The idea was conceived 9 months ago and I’ve been nurturing it and growing it since then, and today’s the day that it launched into the world. Yes, I am a proud mama of a baby business.

It’s taken up a lot of my time already, and will hopefully continue to take up even more as it gets bigger and matures. Just like a human baby, it needs a lot of attention, dedication and time from me. I need help with it – I just can’t do it alone – so I’m looking for someone suitably qualified who I can trust to help me look after it.

I’m hoping it will let me have more sleep than a human baby would and at least I don’t need to feed it every 2 hours. 🙂

I wish I’d had more than a couple of posts on my Facebook wall and several ‘likes’ on my status in response to the ‘birth announcement’ this morning. But ultimately nobody’s really interested. It isn’t cute (although the branding is pretty attractive) and you can’t cuddle it. Yes, I know my new ‘baby’ is not a human. But it is very, very important to me – I’ve created it and I am going to bring it up to be something I can be very proud of.

Happy birth-day, baby!

Waiting to hear…

I had a text message from my friend B two hours ago: “In labour.”

It was her baby shower that I ran a couple of weeks ago and she’s not due until December 10th, but it seems her little boy is eager to arrive sooner. Her epidural is in and now we wait…

I am so excited, waiting to hear more – I just can’t keep still. She’s just having her husband there for the birth and then will let her and his parents (and me!) know when they’re ready for visitors.

I’ve been trying to imagine what she must be feeling right now. Hopefully no pain (thank you, drugs!) but a lot of excitement and probably a little bit of anxiety. I think I’d be completely freaking out! But then again, maybe ‘pregnancy brain’ would kick in.

Apparently B and her husband have had a lot of trouble coming to a decision about the baby’s name. They figured they still had 10 days to sort that out… uh, not anymore! They can always name him after me – with a little adaption, my name’d be perfect for a boy!

Oh – gotta run – there’s the phone…!

UPDATE: Baby R was born at around 8pm – he and his mum are doing well 🙂

No, I am not a baby-hater…

A friend had a baby boy two days ago and I happened to have a meeting near the hospital yesterday, so I popped in during visiting hours to say hello, give my friend a hug and meet her little one.

(An aside – one-day-old babies are terrifying! Well, OK, they are quite cute – this one was making sweet little snuffly-mewling noises. But his head was all floppety and he was so tiny and helpless – I’d be terrified to be left in charge of something like that. Don’t you need a degree or some sort of intensive training? Does one’s natural instinct just kick in? Somehow I think a few pre-natal classes wouldn’t make a dent in preparing me!)

Another friend arrived while I was there and we left together when more visitors showed up. On leaving the hospital, said friend commented ‘I was surprised to see you here’. I thought she meant because I live a good 45 min out of town, but no, ‘because you don’t like babies’. Oh dear!

It’s not that I don’t like babies. I think they are very sweet – particularly if they are not crying and have clean nappies. I just don’t want one of my own. And I’m not good at social gatherings where I am outnumbered by mothers / toddlers / newborns and where the conversation (broken as it is) centres around eating / sleeping / breastfeeding / poo consistency/ Pampers vs Huggies, etc. For HOURS.

Spending (short periods of) time with my friends’ children is fun. I get to play with them – and then I get to leave and return to my own quite, clean home and enjoy a full night’s sleep.

It’s like stuffed toy animals. Some people adore them, cooing over them in stores, unable to resist buying a really cute one, lining them up on shelves in their bedrooms (even when said people are well into adulthood), giving them names, personalities and – yes – even voices. Other people don’t get it – sure, some are cute and they’ll accept a red beribboned bear from a boyfriend on Valentine’s Day, but they’re just stuffed toys. And others hate the things and gleefully pretend to throw Teddy off his owner’s balcony / pull bits of stuffing out when nobody’s looking.

I was quite into my stuffed toys when I was a kid, so you might expect that I’d be seriously pro-babies now. Not sure what happened in between, but when it comes to babies, I fall into the middle camp. I don’t want to collect them and have them all lined up in my bed so there’s not space for me. Nor am I a baby-hater. Babies are sweet, fun to cuddle or play with for a bit but ultimately they a LOT of work. I admire, support and respect (but do not envy!) my friends who have chosen to have them.